Remember Together Event: a healing gathering for Anna Burns’s family and others who grieve

On November 1, 2024, from 6-8 p.m., a group of 12-14 people gathered at the Munson Library for the Remember Together event organized by Sarah Goff, the mother of ARHS student Anna Burns, who died on September 13, 2022. Goff organized the event, dubbed as “a community celebration of the lives and spirit of those we have lost” to “create a space for other people to come and share their stories and about people” they are grieving.

This event was decorated with fall-themed decor, including pumpkins and skeletal decorations for Dia de Los Muertos, or Day of the Dead, brought by Lissa Pierce Bonifaz, the mother of one of Anna’s teammates. Anna had long been fascinated by this traditional Mexican holiday centered around celebrating and communing with the dead, and Pierce Bonifaz had also brought Anna’s family special bread for Anna’s ofrenda (an offering placed on a home altar). 

On the tables, there was significant memorabilia of the people the attendees had lost, including a feather of a red-tailed hawk, to remember Anna. “Hawks are one of a couple of ways that we feel that Anna shows up and says ‘Hey, I’m still here,’” said Goff. “Rainbows have been another one. Like ‘Oh my god, really, there’s a rainbow. Like, today, here, now?’” These symbols have been very helpful for Goff, and she loves it when others share their experiences with these connections to Anna.  

Goff said the attendees shared “potluck fare,” such as “hearty soup, homemade bread, and other treats, while they took turns talking about a person or people they had lost and how they remember them.”

Goff’s mother and Anna’s grandmother (whom Anna called Mim) was one of the participants. She spoke about her own father who died when she was 18. Afterward, she texted Goff to say how much Remember Together meant to her. “The comfort of food, friends, and remembrance soothes much of life’s sadness,” she wrote. “[It] should happen more.”

Another attendee was Assistant Principal and ARHS Anthropology teacher Sam Camera. “Even though I miss Anna every day, I feel their presence in my life when exploring the natural world,” Camera said. “I wanted to spend some time with other people that feel the same way.“

Goff said she deeply appreciates the outpouring of love and support she and her family have received in the wake of Anna’s death. “I don’t know what I would do without that,” Goff said. She acknowledged that losing her child “has been the worst time of my life; I’ve been unbelievably sad pretty much every single day.” The antidote to that grief, for her, is community.

She believes that “our society, in general, doesn’t have many structures and traditions in place for families and communities to grieve,” yet she and her family had the opposite experience after Anna’s death. Goff noted that they “received incredible support from the ARHS community, friends, and even strangers.” This inspired them “to give back and create space for collective grieving,” said Goff. 

Goff has also organized other similar events since Anna’s death. The first event was a celebration of their life in November of 2022. “Our friends really organized that because we simply couldn’t in that moment,” Goff said, noting it “was perfectly suited to Anna and our family and I will remember it forever.”

Every year since 2022, Goff has also organized a “hike and hangout” on the Saturday closest to the anniversary of Anna’s death. 

The hike was formed because “Anna was super outdoorsy and just loved being in the woods, so we start from our house and hike up to Rattlesnake Knob, and come back down,” Goff said. “The first year we just had donuts and apples and cider, and this year we did it as a potluck kind of thing. We used adjectives used to describe Anna and foods related to that, spicy being one of them, and sweet, and salty.”

In addition to these events, with a $400 donation from last year’s senior class, Goff also helped to put in a bench honoring Anna near trees where the ARHS cross-country team gathers. This memorial was also done with “much help of [ARHS art teacher and girls’ cross country] coach Elena Betke-Brunswick, and a very kind Town of Amherst employee,” Goff said.

The family also maintains a memorial website, on Everloved, where people can continue to leave remembrances of Anna.

Goff may also create a foundation to support causes that Anna cared about, such as climate and LGBTQ rights. In addition to this, Goff has created a scholarship for graduating seniors, and she is “figuring out a way to sustain that over a long time, and to fundraise for it.”

She is thinking about creating a race, either cross-country skiing or running, in Anna’s name to raise funds for the scholarship and a future foundation when it is launched, all to keep their memory alive.

In the meantime, she also tries to fill her time with things that have always kept her busy. “Anna would kick my butt if I didn’t get up and do the things that I do that they were proud of and that are important to me too,” Goff said. 

She will be heading to New Zealand from late January 2025 to June on a grant to continue her research on equity and health.